Top 10 Signs That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple

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10. Bill Gates's birthday now a paid holiday for Apple employees.

9. Mac startup chime changed to "Taps."

8. Apple's new slogan: "Almost as good as Windows!"

7. Cute rainbow-colored apple now inhabited by cute rainbow-colored worm.

6. Microsoft comes out with an operating system incorporating Mac technology... uh, wait a minute...

5. Phone and utilities mysteriously start working again at Apple's corporate HQ.

4. Steve Jobs seen tending bar at the Gates' private lawn party.

3. Unsold Newtons used as cobblestones in Gates's driveway.

2. Apple Employee of the Month gets to hunt loose change at Bill's house.

...and the Number 1 Sign That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple...

1. Bill Gates still burned in effigy, but upper management no longer attends.